Big Little Lies, Liane Moriarty
In the first chapter or so, I thought the conflict was going to be a rehashing of The Mommy Wars. (I'll get to my rant about this at the end. Stay tuned.) Maybe I should read the blurbs or a review or two of a book before I check it out. Nah, this is more interesting. Anyway, I prepared myself for a bunch of moms behaving badly and then figuring out that they all love their children equally and singing Kum Bah Ya. Well ... not exactly.
First, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the conflict is not, in fact, between a stroller pusher and a babywearer. Breastmilk, formula, diapers, first foods, employment status- none are even mentioned. There are the Blonde Bob busybodies at the local elementary school, but it's unclear whether they allow their children gluten. So, what is the conflict? Someone is dead. We don't know who or how or why. We just know that a fundraiser got out of control and there were several events leading up to the presumed murder. Fun!
The story focuses on three women who have children in kindergarten. They become friends by chance and hide something important from one another. They are likable and easy to root for in the schoolyard conflicts, even as you begin to suspect each of treachery. Peppered throughout the main plot are transcripts of interviews about The Trivia Night. At first, it seems like police interviews, but you eventually realize they are with a journalist. These snippets are a clever glimpse into the minor characters' personalities and motivations. They keep the focus on the main three and still get a feel for the supporting cast.
At times hilarious and others heartbreaking, this is an engaging mystery on many levels. What secret is Jane hiding? Why does Celeste stay quiet? Does Madeline really have this mothering thing figured out? Who is the French nanny sleeping with? Who died? How? And just how does an Audrey and Elvis themed fundraiser turn into a melee?
Moriarty keeps you on the hook, turning pages to find the answers to all of these questions. She paces the story well and writes very natural dialogue. She also does an excellent job of delving into the thoughts and emotions of #whyIstayed. Two of the main characters have suffered intimate violence, and their thoughts on these experiences are very realistic. They both internalize and withdraw, blame themselves, rationalize, and vacillate between victimhood and empowerment. She somehow manages to bring all this to the table without either weighing the story down nor making light of the pains. And then she brings the whole thing to a satisfying and just conclusion. This title lands somewhere between Miss Marple and Desperate Housewives and was definitely worth the time investment.
End review.
Begin rant, possibly with harsh language.
So, The Mommy Wars. Frankly, it's time to let this die already. Let's start by admitting that we, as people, do judge others. Sometimes for ridiculous and shallow reasons. It happens. Now, let's throw in the confidence-shattering reality of parenthood. I don't know any parent who doesn't at least occasionally wonder if they are doing the right thing. Put these things together in an anonymous forum on the internet and you get conflict. Sometimes you get really ugly, childish conflict. This, my friends, is called The Mommy Wars.
But guess what? The same despicable behavior comes out in online forums about gaming, politics, religion, even book reviews! That's right, the internet is full of anonymous assholes. Every single comment section on the internet has someone trying to pick a fight. But for some reason, we don't have schmaltzy commercials about LARPers ending The Troll Wars. No one is writing pieces for the New York Times calling for an end to incivility on IMDB. Nope, this sort of thing is only so gigantically wrong that we have to give it a title if it happens among women with offspring.
And that, my friends, is a bunch of sexist garbage that we keep buying into. When I pushed that first placenta out, I did not go through some sort of cellular change that instantly made me hostile to women with C-sections or allergic to adoptive moms. This is not a mommy issue. Or even a female issue. This is how people behave when they have a cloak of anonymity, and there are volumes of psychological research into this topic. So let's all please just stop with the Mommy War nonsense.
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