Chapter 15: A Book That Came Out The Year You Were Born

I Am The Cheese, Robert Cormier

As you can probably tell by the publishing date of this entry, this book is a very quick read. All I can think now is how did I not read this in high school maybe even middle school? I have no answer to that question, but it seems I cheated my young self.

Cormier is known for his dark YA novels, even before they were called that. Cheese is no exception. On the surface, it's the story of a boy riding his bike to visit his father. Enter Brint. Brint seems to be some sort of psychologist who is intent on helping Adam fill in some blanks in his memory. Flashing between the epic bicycle journey and these guided sessions, we learn that Adam has bigger concerns than dogs and bullies. Below the surface, we enter the disturbed mind of a child protecting himself from a horrible truth. He so actively represses the memories that they are related in third person, giving us a distinction between past and present action. Normally I detest this type of jumping around (see Chapter 3c). I like a clear narrative. But Cormier makes it work to give an extra layer of tension to the psychological drama.

The ending seems to be the biggest or most common complaint about the novel, but I can't even dislike it. In fact, I think it's perfect. Any other ending would weaken the story (and I'd probably give it fewer Marias). So, while this won't become part of my permanent library, I probably will read it again. That alone is proof that it's better than Shutter Island, to which it is often compared. I Am the Cheese earns 4 Marias.

Chapter 14: A Book From An Author You Love That You Haven't Read Yet

The Julius House, Charlaine Harris

I love Charlaine Harris. The Southern Vampire (Sookie Stackhouse) series is hilarious, mysterious, and thrilling. Every time I read another, I feel like Charlaine and I could just sit on a porch with some iced tea and rocking chairs and chat all day long. In true Southern style, she writes outrageous stories that still pass cotillion. So, I picked up this title from one of her early series to see if Sookie and friends were the standard or the anomaly.

Now, to be honest, Sookie is just better. A lot of that is because the Aurora Teagarden series is a much earlier work. Roe is not as sassy as Sookie, but she still makes a fine female lead. This is not the first in the series, so maybe I've missed some foundation story that would have made Roe more likeable, but I still enjoyed it.

It's unlikely I will pick up this whole series. It didn't suck me in the way the other did. But I can see how it laid the groundwork for Ms. Harris' well-deserved popularity. Her writing has come a long way over the decades, and I am glad that first editor gave her shot.

If you like southern mysteries, strong female leads, and aren't put off by frequent mentions of money, check out this series. If you loved The Southern Vampires and are looking for more of the same, find a more current series. This one is dated and immature compared to Sookie. Overall, I give it 3 Marias. I won't read it again, but I don't hate myself for reading it the first time.

Chapter 13: A Book With Magic

Queen of the Tearling, Erika Johansen

This book has a lot to like- strong female lead, mystery and intrigue, political philosophy, and a healthy dose of profanity. Now, I'm not going to pretend that it comes close to competing with The Books With Magic. Kelsea is no Boy Who Lived. But this is a good book.

My biggest gripe with this book is that it is difficult to find a place to stop. Not because the action is so compelling, but because of 434 pages, there are only 14 chapters. Let me do the math for you, that averages out to some longass chapters, and they are not broken down into pieces. That's it. That's my big complaint. That and I can't decide whether it's pronounced Teerling, rhymes with peer, or Tairling, rhymes with pair.

I also got tired of reading Kelsea hiss when she was hurt. And I really didn't need reminders that Thomas is fat. Or that Kelsea is. But ... meh.

I did like that not all my questions were answered. This is a good opening to a series that has potential. I think some of the more shocking events were supposed to take me by surprise, but there was enough foreshadowing, that they just confirmed what I already suspected. So, either Ms. Johansen and I think alike, or she did an artful job of crafting peaks without then telling us

 *** HEY, HERE'S A RISE IN CONFLICT! ***







What? You don't like that, either? I might still be a little mad at Zusak.

I also really like the setup for the hero. She is naïve yet educated. Her sheltered childhood gives her an interesting position from which to examine her kingdom in a way unlike many royals. Of course she is inheriting a decimated kingdom from her gluttonous uncle, but she sweeps in to rule with a new attitude. It's interesting to watch her develop as a leader and discover more about herself along the way.

I can't talk about liking this book without also mentioning her captain, Mace. He's your standard, world-weary tough guy that no one wants to take on. He's brusque when he's not silent, but he's also lovable and admirable. His name is also Lazarus, so I expect to see something done with that in future installments.

So, this is a good one. I might even read it again if I really get into the series (a new one is out this summer). It won't be in my permanent library. And I don't daydream about all the homeschool activities we can do when the kids read it (Seriously, think about how the Harry Potter series would differ if he accepted Draco's friendship in book one. Think about it.). I give it four Marias.

Chapter 12: A Book That Became A Movie

The Book Thief, Markus Zusak

I want to like this book. Really. It's got drama and books, the pages are filled with the complexities of human existence. But ... meh.

*** A VERY IMPORTANT NOTE ***

I'm about to tell you something very important. And I will use a wort, or word.

This gimmick is old. Boring. Redundant. Annoying. It makes me want to punch Death in the grapes.

I have to give Zusak credit for taking on a much-visited topic, Germany during World War II, from a less-used position, that of Death. And the core story arc would be compelling if it were readable. But instead we have a stuttering telling of a young girl in a poor home in Germany. She meets people. She cares for people. She helps hide a Jew in the basement. Everyone calls each other asshole. Everyone has nightmares. Everyone dies.

I'm going to attempt to discuss a few key points in an orderly manner, but having had my brain scrambled by this book, I beg your pardon if it comes out jumbled.

First, Death as narrator. This isn't a completely novel approach to storytelling (see what I did there?). At first I actually enjoyed reading the buildup of Nazi Germany from a non-human point of view. But, ugh, the gimmick. The flow is disrupted by those stupid boldface interjections of no value. And for a mostly indifferent persona, death sure uses a lot of indicators of extreme emotion. But to what end? To tell us what he's about to tell us.

Second, the book thief. Ok, let's start with the fact that she only technically steals one book in the whole story. One she picks up after someone drops it. Another she rescues from a pile of smoldering ashes. And, after she steals the one book, the owner starts leaving more for her to "steal." So, she doesn't seem very worthy of this title. And as the story progresses, you learn that Death, too, has picked up a book someone left behind. So he's a book thief too! Oh how clever! Not.

Then, the characters are not well developed. Hans has silver eyes. Rosa is a wardrobe of a woman with a cardboard face (whatever the heck that means). Liesel loves papa. Rudy loves Liesel. Max is a Jew. They are flat and they do incredibly foolish things. I think some of these instances, like giving bread to Jews as they are marched to Dachau, are supposed to illustrate the humanity of the main characters, that they really do love and care and pity the victims of the Holocaust. Except that giving them bread is sure to bring more suffering to the people- beatings or worse. So it seems, to me, that these are essentially selfish acts to alleviate some guilt of not acting sooner. It's certainly no black-and-white dilemma, but Death sure thinks it is. Over and over, acts of love bring more misery and death to the objects of that love. Death is kind of an asshole.

The tempo and chronology was the most troublesome for me. There isn't so much a foreshadowing of events as there is a sentence or two telling you something is going to happen. Then Death backs up (sometimes months) and finally brings you back to the original sentence. Again, it's gimmicky and tiresome. After everyone died, I kept reading and they were alive again. It took a big mental shift to figure out where in time I was. And then I leapt forward again. And literally the entire book is like this because the first sentence is that everyone dies. But the story doesn't end there. Oh no! We have to revisit the deaths a few times before Death finally wraps the whole thing up.

My big question about this novel is- what makes it Young Adult? Yes, Liesel is eight years old when it begins, but that doesn't seem quite enough. Teens these days are unlikely to even know a person who remembers WWII, so the specific story doesn't seem all that relatable. The major tensions of the book are not ones that exist in everyday life, at least not in the same way that other YA books I've read do. Maybe it's just another way to keep the realities of WWII Germany in current conversations. If so, it seems to be doing that. My teenage niece loves this book. I doubt she saw Schindler's List or Life Is Beautiful.

Overall, I'm pretty ambivalent about this novel. It didn't give me a case of the Feels. It wasn't new territory or groundbreaking insight. Nor was it really entertaining. But the context for the target audience and for effort alone, I give The Book Thief 2 Marias.



Chapter 11: A Book That Takes Place In Your Hometown

Neanderthal seeks Human,

Penny Reid

I'm only 11 entries in and I'm already fudging a little bit. The nice thing about being a nomad for the majority of your life is that you can claim a number of places as home. Lucky for me, I had a kindle book set in Chicago and I once had an address in the City of the Big Shoulders. Because, let's be honest, there are not a lot of interesting books taking place in Tupelo, MS or LaPorte, IN. Yet. And there are too many titles in Los Angeles. I did once read a mystery set in High Point, NC, but I'm not ready to re-read for this journal. Yet. So, I opened up this one that I got as a freebie.

I'm not even sure how or why I got this one for free, but it is much better than many other freebies I have read stared at. I think calling it a smart romance might be a stretch, but that is far more accurate than calling this series "Knitting in the City." The main character doesn't even knit! She goes to her friend's knitting group three times in the whole book, mostly just for girltalk. There is brief mention of projects-on-needles and a ball of MadTosh, but if the rest of the series is about Janie, the publisher should seriously reconsider the series name. Maybe Awkward Girl in the City.

We meet Janie on the Worst Day of Her Life. She broke up with her cheating boyfriend, got fired, and now has nowhere to live (see cheating boyfriend). She takes her meager possessions to her friend's apartment for alcohol and ice cream. They talk about the most important event of the day- riding in an elevator with a hot security guy. Like many overzealous crushes, this one has been knighted Sir (Something-Something) Hotpants. Really, it's so dumb I can't be bothered to remember or look it up. But these are young, single women and I can't pretend I didn't suffer my own boy crazy phase.

Except Janie is not really the boy crazy type. She's a Curator of Fact with a dysfunctional mental/verbal filter. She doesn't recognize obvious flirting and innuendo. She is not social. She also repeatedly talks about how ugly and monstrous she is. Yeah. Big boobs and long legs are gross. Despite all this, her friend takes her to an Outrageous night club where people are fornicating in glass cages. I'll let you guess who happens to be working security there, too. It's Hotpants. Are you gobsmacked? Janie sure is.

From here, all other characters are peripheral and we watch a bizarre courtship between the two. So many things make no sense at all. It is so incohesive and implausible. I kept waiting for The Thing that brings it all together, but it never appeared. And then the resolution (if that's even the right term) comes out of nowhere and ends abruptly. I am still so disoriented, that I have no interest in reading more of the series because I do not care about any of the characters. Plus, THERE'S NO KNITTING!

What did I enjoy? Hotpants (whose name is Quinn Sullivan and can never be separated in my mind from this guy)



sends Janie nerd jokes via text. I chuckled at the binary one. I also found some of the facts Janie blurts out at inappropriate times to be interesting, although I still need to check some of them. (Here is where I'd like to point out that being able to recite things from memory is not exactly the same thing as smart. It can be if one can then apply it to appropriate situations, but Janie can't.) And I like that, despite having some sparky bits, it doesn't go into detail about all the humping. Which brings me to a tangent.

At one point, Janie's friend (I'm sure she has a name, but she's totally forgettable) says that she knows Janie didn't like sex with her ex-boyfriend because she never talked about it. This has been running around in my brain for days now. Maybe it's the difference between married and singles sex. Maybe it's an age thing. Maybe my friends and I are all prudes. But I just don't witness many conversations about sex. I'm not really interested in grabbing a margarita with a gal pal and exchanging play by plays of our most recent romps. This leads me to believe that I'm not really the target audience for this series. There are worse things in life, I suppose.

So I've been trying to come up with a rating system for this journal- a way to quickly see what I liked and didn't, what I recommend you pick up or burn. So far nothing has really been quite what I am looking for, but a friend suggested this.

So until I come up with something better, which I may never do, I give Neanderthal  2.5 Marias. It was easy to read, didn't take much time or gray matter, didn't make me fall asleep, nor did it make any sense. I won't read it again or continue the series, but I don't hate myself for reading the whole thing, and I won't be sending glitterbombs to the author.

Chapter 10: A Book With Antonyms in the Title

Big Little Lies, Liane Moriarty

In the first chapter or so, I thought the conflict was going to be a rehashing of The Mommy Wars. (I'll get to my rant about this at the end. Stay tuned.) Maybe I should read the blurbs or a review or two of a book before I check it out. Nah, this is more interesting. Anyway, I prepared myself for a bunch of moms behaving badly and then figuring out that they all love their children equally and singing Kum Bah Ya. Well ... not exactly.

First, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the conflict is not, in fact, between a stroller pusher and a babywearer. Breastmilk, formula, diapers, first foods, employment status- none are even mentioned. There are the Blonde Bob busybodies at the local elementary school, but it's unclear whether they allow their children gluten. So, what is the conflict? Someone is dead. We don't know who or how or why. We just know that a fundraiser got out of control and there were several events leading up to the presumed murder. Fun!

The story focuses on three women who have children in kindergarten. They become friends by chance and hide something important from one another. They are likable and easy to root for in the schoolyard conflicts, even as you begin to suspect each of treachery. Peppered throughout the main plot are transcripts of interviews about The Trivia Night. At first, it seems like police interviews, but you eventually realize they are with a journalist. These snippets are a clever glimpse into the minor characters' personalities and motivations. They keep the focus on the main three and still get a feel for the supporting cast.

At times hilarious and others heartbreaking, this is an engaging mystery on many levels. What secret is Jane hiding? Why does Celeste stay quiet? Does Madeline really have this mothering thing figured out? Who is the French nanny sleeping with? Who died? How? And just how does an Audrey and Elvis themed fundraiser turn into a melee?

Moriarty keeps you on the hook, turning pages to find the answers to all of these questions. She paces the story well and writes very natural dialogue. She also does an excellent job of delving into the thoughts and emotions of #whyIstayed. Two of the main characters have suffered intimate violence, and their thoughts on these experiences are very realistic. They both internalize and withdraw, blame themselves, rationalize, and vacillate between victimhood and empowerment. She somehow manages to bring all this to the table without either weighing the story down nor making light of the pains. And then she brings the whole thing to a satisfying and just conclusion. This title lands somewhere between Miss Marple and Desperate Housewives and was definitely worth the time investment.

End review.

Begin rant, possibly with harsh language.

So, The Mommy Wars. Frankly, it's time to let this die already. Let's start by admitting that we, as people, do judge others. Sometimes for ridiculous and shallow reasons. It happens. Now, let's throw in the confidence-shattering reality of parenthood. I don't know any parent who doesn't at least occasionally wonder if they are doing the right thing. Put these things together in an anonymous forum on the internet and you get conflict. Sometimes you get really ugly, childish conflict. This, my friends, is called The Mommy Wars.

But guess what? The same despicable behavior comes out in online forums about gaming, politics, religion, even book reviews! That's right, the internet is full of anonymous assholes. Every single comment section on the internet has someone trying to pick a fight. But for some reason, we don't have schmaltzy commercials about LARPers ending The Troll Wars. No one is writing pieces for the New York Times calling for an end to incivility on IMDB. Nope, this sort of thing is only so gigantically wrong that we have to give it a title if it happens among women with offspring.

And that, my friends, is a bunch of sexist garbage that we keep buying into. When I pushed that first placenta out, I did not go through some sort of cellular change that instantly made me hostile to women with C-sections or allergic to adoptive moms. This is not a mommy issue. Or even a female issue. This is how people behave when they have a cloak of anonymity, and there are volumes of psychological research into this topic. So let's all please just stop with the Mommy War nonsense.