The Book That Almost Broke My Blog

Trans, Juliet Jacques

I've been avoiding this post for months. I even read an entire series since this one, but I want to chronicle my reading in order. So, it's time. This isn't going to be easy.

I mentioned previously that I am trying to read more first-person narratives. And my desire for an authentic storyteller is hipster level. Enter, Ms. Jacques.

To begin, I'm going to share a little of my experiences with trans people. I went to a state school that had a surprisingly large group celebrating and supporting the LGBTQ+ community. Sort of. Those four years I was around people who explored, questioned, and experimented with their identities in many ways. It was at a drag pageant on campus that I learned an acquaintance from high school was performing. My favorite nightclub had drag shows. The restrooms might have had gender signs, but nobody paid attention to them. Honestly, it was one of the few places where I felt like I could just be me, safely, and nobody cared what that meant.

My senior year I moved into a small apartment complex that shared a parking lot with another. The two buildings faced each other. Naturally, many of us became friends. It was an eclectic group of people. It was home. Among the maybe 3 dozen people living in those two buildings, were David and Shel. David was David most of the time, except when he was Kenya- a crowd pleasing queen. It was easy to know which persona was present. Kenya was a character David became. Shel was different. Shel was born male and tried to live as a woman sometimes. It was a painful struggle for him (his chosen pronoun). He had tried hormone therapy in the past but didn't continue it. He hated being a man and was terrified of being a woman. Today he might call himself genderfluid, a term we didn't have back then. The point is, these were people I saw daily. They were friends. They were my most intimate experience with trans identities. I took that for granted.

Now to the book. Jacques has admitted that she didn't want to publish a memoir, a fact that is pretty obvious to me. It's a shame that the only story a publisher wanted to touch was this one because it is not well-written. To be clear, my problems with the story aren't with the overall content. It reads exactly like a book the writer never wanted to pen.

For a memoir, Jacques shares very little of her interior life. There's occasional discussion of depression or the anxious feelings she had when shopping. But mostly it's almost a third person limited narration of events of her life. There are detailed paragraphs about soccer/football plays and many references to the music scene she was into. Both were completely lost on me and did nothing to help me relate to the person behind the story. I can't blame Jacques for this, since she didn't want to write a memoir. But at the same time, I wonder why she bothered with publishing it.

The other thing I didn't care for was the complaining about how hard it was to transition. Remember, I had a friend who was never able to, even though he wanted to. Knowing how difficult and expensive it is for people here, having to live as a woman for a year before having confirmation surgery seems like a pretty privileged complaint to me. It's not a competition, of course, but if that's the hardest thing you have to overcome ...

There are things I really liked about the book, too. Just not the memoir part. Jacques weaves in a little trans theory and politics. She talks about how limited trans lit is- the same thing her own book suffers from. She gives very limited space to her life before transition, which I have deep respect for. If people want to get off on that kind of stuff, they can read Middlesex. I liked that she didn't write a sensational story, that there was no huge battle with her parents or a suicide attempt.

It's hard to give this one a rating. My feelings about it are too mixed up. Most notably is that, as a cis-woman, it's not really my place to rate Ms. Jacques' experience. The obscure scene references and distant storytelling are not good writing, in my opinion. At the same time, I realize that she didn't have many options. I'm glad I read the book, but I'm not sure I'm glad she wrote it.

Americanah

Americanah, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

I could probably take a few days to write this review. I could turn it into a full-on book report cum sociology conversation. But that's not what you are here for, so I'll curb those desires. A little.

This one took me a while to get into. I don't know if it was life circumstances or what, but I almost didn't renew after two weeks. I almost didn't finish this book. But I picked this book as a conscious effort to read more books by people of color, especially women. So, I kind of had to finish it. And, once I hit a certain point, one I can't really define, I didn't want to stop reading. Full confession, with just 20-ish pages left, I put my tablet on my bedside table and spent a sleepless night worrying that one of the characters might die. You might say I am invested in my stories.

Americanah is the story of Ifemelu, a Nigerian woman who moves to the United States, goes through some stuff, writes a blog and then ... well, I try not to give spoilers here. But the tale isn't that straightforward. It's a love story- chapters devoted to Ifem's boyfriend, Obinze, and the path his life takes. These two are school sweethearts who flit around each other like bugs around a lightbulb. They have very different experiences with immigration, but Adichie maintains a parallel storyline.

My freshman year at Indiana University, I took L141 like all my peers. The topic for this lit class was The Immigrant Experience. It wasn't my favorite class or topic. But now, years later, I wish I could track down that professor and talk about this book with her. There were things that I learned in that class that changed the way I read this book. I found myself mentally putting on Ifemelu's shoes to understand her story, not my interpretation of it. It was really quite interesting. I realized how many little things I take for granted daily that are unusual and even frightening to immigrants.

Another interesting thing about this book is that Ifem, as a Non-American Black, has a freedom to say things that American Blacks want to say (and do say) without being accused of reverse-racism or "playing the race card." It's almost as if she is this dispassionate outside observer, and so she can criticize Americans because she is detached. I highlighted many passages- a white woman who always refers to black women as beautiful but never as black, the "aggressive, unaffectionate interest" another woman has with Nigerians, accents, hair, tribalisms, the nationalism of liberal Americans, race as a social not biological construct, privilege, and Oprah. I would love to talk about each of these in depth, but I'll have to save that for face-to-face interactions.

I was a little disappointed when I looked up the Raceteenth blog and only found a couple of entries. This would have been a fantastic crossmojination(TM) of literature and the real world. But it doesn't seem that anyone working on the book was interested in that. Oh well.

I can't think of any reason not to recommend this book. It's love and travel and pop culture. It characters I truly care for. I don't own it, but will look for it in the used bookstore. Americanah earns 4 Marias.

Another Flavia Tale

The Week That Strings the Hangman's Bag, Alan Bradley

Poor, Flave. Once again she's witness to a murder. At least this time she's not alone, though.

Charming and precocious Flavia deLuce is back in another murder mystery. This time, a puppeteer meets his untimely demise in front of half the town, in a production of Jack and the Beanstalk. Our favorite, pint-sized sleuth uses her strengths- wit, keen observation, and unquenchable curiosity- and her weaknesses to solve the puzzle.

It's an odd mystery that makes it almost halfway through before the murder occurs. A good bit of the character development of the less-than-angelic Mr. Porson takes place before he dies. Like preparing a good meal, Bradley seasons and salts the character after death.

Alas, the story itself is just not as good as the first. Usually I find that an author gets better within a series, but this is decidedly worse than The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie. As much as I looked forward to continuing the series, this one left me unimpressed. Flavia's connection to the story is weird and shallow. The mystery arc itself might have been good, but it doesn't relate to Flavia in even a suspension of disbelief-believable way.

Hangman only earns 2.5 Marias. Maybe I'll try another later.

A Piece of Fanfiction

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Parts One and Two

Where, oh, where do I begin? Since my thoughts on this book are so scattered, I'm going to try to put them down in an orderly, start-to-finish fashion. Let's hope I don't get sidetracked.

Ok, first. THIS BOOK IS NOT WRITTEN BY JOANNE NO-MIDDLE-NAME-BUT-THE- EDITORS-DIDN'T-THINK-BOYS-WOULD-READ-A-WOMAN'S-WRITING ROWLING. That's not entirely true. The people who wrote this lifted entire scenes from the real Harry Potter series, so that dialogue is consistent with the characters we know and love. The rest of the story- not even close. It's like they took the original stereotypes we had about them all, added 20 years, and never bothered to let them grow beyond Year One. Except Harry, who has turned into The Man, not the one you buy shots for- the one who keeps you down.

Back to that middle name thing- how in the world, did someone at a publisher, probably several someones, read The Philosopher's Stone, realize that it had great potential and not realize that it had Universal Appeal? I realize that boys are not encouraged to read about girls while girls are expected to read about boys and girls, but really? The first is filled with female characters that girls should get closer to- Macgonagall, Molly, HERMIONE. The whole idea that Rowling was forced to cloak her identity to protect poor little boys who might accidentally enjoy fiction by a woman just sets my feminism bone a-buzzin'.

Parts One and Two- this is not only unnecessary, it's false. I hate to be the Dwight Shrute here, but one could not read just Part One and have a complete story. They are dependent on each other to tell a whole story arc. There's a semicolon at the end of Part One, not a full stop. Also, none of the children are actually cursed, so the title is inconsistent with the rest of the stories.

Now into the actual pages. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how this is a stage production. The scenes are so short and shift setting so often, you'd have to have the best set people in the world, possibly a rotating stage or a huge one. The huge one is probably how it happened because the characters don't move around while they are together or talking. So one huge background, lit the right, very focused way, could bounce around all over the magical world. I imagine it a very complicated production. In addition to the logistical nightmare, most of the scenes are so short there would have to be a lot of scrambling about on stage. One scene is a single page and doesn't contain a word of dialogue. And don't get me started on the actual magic that would have to occur. On stage. There's polyjuice, people.

The characters- what have they done to the characters we know? Macgonagall has lost her soft spot for Harry and the Gang. Headmistress must be a tough job if it crushes her spirit. Remember, she was a strict teacher, but she had a quiet, impish fire inside her. How did the woman who gave Harry his Nimbus 2000 come to merely tolerate him now that he's Head of Magical Law Enforcement? Was Ron lobotomized? Why doesn't Neville ever show up on stage? What has become of Teddy? WHERE IS HAGRID?

One of my favorite things to ponder is how the original stories would be different if Harry had accepted Draco's offer of friendship on the Hogwart's Express. Would Harry have become a Slytherin? (oh my goodness! it looks like this might be about that. Oh, wait, no.) What different path would he have taken to defeat Voldemort? Would the prophecy been about Neville instead? Would Ron and Hermione gotten together? Oh, the possibilities are endless! I got excited at the beginning of this book thinking that someone else had put pen to paper and drawn up one possible scenario, just one generation off. It starts with that premise a little bit- Albus is a Slytherin and friends with Scorpius, son of Draco- but that's about as far as that goes.

The story is unbelievable even when you suspend disbelief enough to accept magic. There are gaping holes. Is The Augury a bird, a child, or a place where they roast muggles? It is never referenced in the original novels, just in video games and later companion books. Now that Draco is out from under his father's thumb, why is he still a dickweed? Did he and Harry really not figure a way to be friendly in the twenty years since The Battle of Hogwarts? I could've sworn that a major theme of the series was redemption and forgiveness, I expect the hero to apply that to others, too. Why was Cedric's death so much more influential than any other person who died for The Cause? Did the writers fancy RPatz and wish him to not be sparkly?  And why hasn't Harry's scar been bothering him this whole time Voldemort's Child has been alive? Because it hurt him from the moment Moldy Voldy started sucking on unicorn blood in the first one. It wasn't that he was taking power and making efforts to destroy anyone, his mere existence was enough.

So despite all these complaints, I still liked the book. I was, once again, whisked away to a fantastic world where anything is possible, where good will triumph over evil, where people drink butterbeer. I think the writers, publishers, and producers were banking on that nostalgia to sell a truckload of books. We Potterheads will buy anything remotely related to Harry, Ron, and Hermione. We're still talking about the stories nine years after the last one was published. They are enchanting and magical themselves. After all these years? Always.

Being connected to the originals is enough to earn this one three Marias. I know many will argue I'm being sentimental, and I'm ok with that.

Reading Aloud

I recently attended a webinar by Andrew Pudewa, founder of the Institute for Excellence in Writing, also known as "the funny man with the wonderful words." Mr. Pudewa is indeed a funny man who presents an engaging approach to teaching language arts at home and in the classroom. We are about to start our second year of IEW, but I'm not here to talk about homeschooling exactly.

The webinar was about how to develop a broad vocabulary in children, and one of the best ways to do this is to read aloud. Now, as a busy mom, I had kind of gotten to the point where reading aloud was losing priority because our oldest can read- he finished the Harry Potter series in a matter of days. Surely that is improving his vocabulary, right? Well, it turns out, just reading is not as magical as I would have thought. So, after about an hour with Mr. Pudewa (or just Pudewa as he is known around our house), I realized I needed to be reading aloud to all my children. And not just Go, Dog, Go for the zillionth time.

Next I was faced with the task of picking the best titles to read to three children, ranging from 3 to 8 years old, with a variety of interests. The oldest loves magical adventure stories, while the middle is easily frightened. The younger two don't flinch at death, while the oldest is compassionate. I wanted to include strong female characters, too. So from the bookshelf, I selected our first (even though we've done this before) Read Aloud:

The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, C. S. Lewis

Before I started reading, I explained to my daughter that this is one of my favorite childhood books. I told her that sometimes she reminds me of Lucy. I left out the part about pretending to be Lucy when I was a child, but it's true.

The story is not overly complicated. Four children stumble upon a magical kingdom where the White Witch has cast a spell that makes it always winter and never Christmas. The children meet talking animals and magical creatures on an adventure that lasts a lifetime or only a few seconds.

Girl-child is the only one who sat through the entire reading, but something I caught Oldest-boy standing in the hall listening in. Everyone followed the story well enough, even the 3-year-old. There were plenty of new words to absorb; I was occasionally stopped to define one. But overall, it was understood enough to make a story. There are, of course, subtleties in the writing (Spare Oom, for example) that the children will not appreciate until they read this one on their own. But we had fun reading it together- summarizing, making predictions, and imagining how we might find our way to Narnia.

As I mentioned before, this is one of my favorite childhood books, so it earns a permanent place on the bookshelf with (surprise) five Marias. But in addition to the rating, I want to encourage parents and teachers to read aloud, even to children who can read. It has made a subtle, positive impact on our days and is now one of the things I look forward to the most.

Chapter 41: A Book With Bad Reviews

The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie, Alan Bradley

This is just a silly category. Every book has someone out there saying they hated it. I mean, just scroll through some of my previous posts and you can see that. But I'm crossing it off the list today.

It's already well documented that I love a precocious, intelligent girl protagonist. To say that I'm charmed by Miss Flavia deLuce would be an understatement. A ten year old who says, "I might be considered a very dangerous person," and means it is simultaneously frightening and delightful.

Flave is the youngest of three sisters living at Buckshaw, a once-regal country estate that has passed its prime. She's fascinated by chemistry, especially poisons, and never wastes an opportunity to stick her nose into trouble. When she stumbles upon a dying man in the cucumber patch, her imagination and wit take her on an adventure of intrigue, danger, and stamps.

One of the frequent complaints of this book on Goodreads is that Flavia is unbelievable. Clearly these people do not remember what it's like to be a smart, 10-year old girl. These readers underestimate the abilities of the girl, much the same way the older sisters and constables do in the book.

The story itself is a typical whodunit. The reader makes connections quicker than the hero. The bad guy gets caught. The unlikely detective gets a token of gratitude or praise. Somehow, told through Flavia's eye, even a mystery about stamps (stamps! sorry, philatelists, but you've got to expect them to seem boring outside collector circles) is engaging, funny, and interesting.

Sweetness earns 4 Marias. I plan to read more of the series just too find out what Flavia is up to next.

Chapter 40: A Play

A Midsummer Night's Dream, William Shakespeare
No Fear Shakespeare Edition

I have never used Cliff Notes, Spark Notes, etc. Ever. Because when I was in school, they were seen as an excuse to know enough to pass a test without reading a book instead of as a study guide. But this was the only version of MSND that was available at my library, so I checked it out.

We've been doing this thing in our homeschool where we spend some time in the mornings doing something with the arts. We've memorized Jabberwocky and watched OK Go videos. Soon we will begin reading some Shakespeare. Before I try to teach my kids something, I probably should have a grasp for it. So this kills two birds with one stone.

I'm not going to go much into the actual play. It's Shakespeare. He's great. It's great. Blah, blah, blah. But I would like to talk about this side-by-side edition. I think it's a great way to make complicated language accessible to more people. I still read the original text, but it was easy to find a modern translation if I was unsure of my own. For the most part, I got it. But there were times that a minor change affected the story. Now, I'm not going to pretend that I caught all the subtleties of the Bard's writing- far from it. But having the translation *right there* gave me more confidence as I read the lines. It took a lot of the intimidation out- which is just awesome. If I worry and struggle- and we all know how much I love to read- then imagine someone who doesn't. Imagine a student whose family speaks another language at home. Imagine a person who thinks very logically and has difficulty understanding flowery or figurative language. This little book could make a world of difference for them. How cool is that?!?

When I was in high school, I had an English teacher who loved to teach Shakespeare. She was a very prim and proper woman, one might even accuse her of being dour. But she got a sparkle in her eye when talking about ol' Bill. She led a field trip to Canada every year so students could see multiple plays in a weekend. She had a gift for making Shakespeare relatable to many teenagers, including explaining the dirty jokes. This edition was like having Mrs. Burns reading beside me and telling me the secrets. I like to think she would approve of a study guide.

I'm not really sure how to rate this one. It's a different kind of review. I'll definitely use this series of guides to help my kids and myself with literature, but I wouldn't just recommend it to anyone looking for something to read. I'll leave Maria out of this one lest I sound like an advertisement.

Chapter 36: A Book Set in a Different Country

The Moonlit Garden, Corina Bomann

Boooooooorrrrrrrrrring! I didn't expect a book about a violin to be spine-tingling, but this was just awful. I put my head down and powered through 400+ pages of crap so you don't have to. I wish it could be blamed on poor translation, but the whole thing was just the perfect solution for my insomnia, which is why it took so long to review it.

Love story- no depth. Why are these people interested in each other?

Historic mystery- lame. Besides the fact that it has no significance to anyone, even the sleuth, the whole thing is contrived and unimaginative.

I did learn the word Sundanese, which is not clarified in the novel, so I thought it was the word for "people from Sumatra." According to wikipedia, though, it's not. Click on that link. What you'll find there is a million times more interesting than this snooze-fest.

I'll grugingly give Garden a Maria because it is, in fact, a whole book.

Chapter 35: A Book Set Somewhere You've Always Wanted to Visit

Trail of Broken Wings, Sejal Badani

I'm not sure if it's northern California that I want to visit, or India, but those are the two places this book takes place and I'd be happy to travel to either. Not why I picked this title, but, hey, I'll use whatever I can make work.

The title led me to believe that this would be a rich text full of evocative language. It's not. I'm beginning to think that I need to lower my literary standards. Again we have a book with so much potential that never is fulfilled. I hate that I am, once again, writing about an unimpressive book, but here goes.

Broken Wings is the tale of three women and their mother, as they reunite around the deathbed of their father, who has fallen into an inexplicable coma. The family immigrated to the States from India when the girls were still young, only one having memories of their life there. Instead of finding the American Dream, daddy flips a switch and becomes an abusive tyrant to his family, except the middle sister who remains adored.

So now daddy is unresponsive and the women are facing a very complicated situation. Do they want him to live? Do they want him to die? Should he suffer? Does he still have control over them? What role does each play in the family and can that ever change? All some really great questions. All of them pretty much ignored, too. I was so disappointed in the shallow treatment of so many complicated things.

First, there is much time taken repeating pseudo-poetic metaphors that bore me, but there is very little exploration of how being an Indian family in the United States gives this story any flavor. Make me feel the pain of being an outsider in your own home. Make me long for a life that is idealized by time and distance. Give me more insight into Indian culture and how it makes this story happen. Don't just keep serving chai and roti. There is so much more to your voice than an old sari and some naan. I'm getting frustrated all over again just thinking about it.

Next, give the characters some personality. There's the successful, driven executive who is a control freak. There's the pretty and loved one who does her duty to family. There's the rebel artist who pushes people away. It's so cliche. Give me some flawed humanity. Give me hidden anguish. Or, explain to me why these women are so one-dimensional and rigid. And don't tell me it's because their dad was an abuser. I kept wanting more, hoping for a breakthrough, and it never happened. This is probably why I couldn't pursue a career in phsychology- I would lose my temper on people who held back.

As the youngest of three daughters, I would have loved to relate to the women as their relationships grew over time. But they didn't. They are all stuck in their ways and only make superficial growth throughout the pages. Ranee, the mom, is easily my favorite character because she does allow for changes. Her revelation was not a surprise for me, but was foreshadowed elegantly enough that I only knew what would happen, not how. That was one part of the writing that I felt was well-developed. Otherwise, it was mostly immature and heavy-handed writing.

Part of me hoped that this would connect me to the part of my family that came to the States from India. Though I haven't seen them in over a decade, there are some bonds that exist forever. They did not suffer the kind of torment as the family in the novel, but there are definitely some complicated relationships there.

I mentioned complicated grief earlier. This is a term a friend introduced me to while she was coping with her mother's death. I find the idea so fascinating and also comforting. It's a phrase I wish to give to many people I know who feel conflicted about the end of relationships or lives near to them. Maybe that will be a theme in something I write one day. Until then, I hope it at least gives people something to think about.

Trail of Broken Wings gets a disappointing two Marias. Wish me luck that the next one is worth recommending.

Chapter 28: A Book More Than 100 Years Old

Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte

Dear Reader, it took me a month to get through the nearly 500 pages of this one. I am a little embarrassed to admit that I went this long without reading a Bronte, but now I am free of that burden. I have so many thoughts about Jane, I'm not even sure where to begin. I'll give it a stab, though.

First, in today's world, this would not be a passionate love story. Mr. Rochester is kind of a jerk. Besides the fact that he comments frequently on his superiority, he threatens Jane with violence. Oh, and he locked his inconvenient wife in the attic, where she has to witness his wooing of two different women. No wonder she wants to burn him alive. In today's world, Jane would give him the heave-ho and find her own bliss- with or without a husband.

But the story doesn't take place today. It takes place in a time when women were expected to defer to the nearest available man, to not think, just do. And Jane is an unexpected woman. She has her own, steadfast moral compass. She is witty and challenges men who are unaccustomed to that. I daresay that her cousin, St. John, does love her in a way she does not see. Maybe not in a physical attraction, but she stirs something in him that is quite like love. He asks her multiple times to be his helpmeet, which, to me, says he sees her as a partner- a pretty important factor in love.

So, I couldn't get swept away in the romance like so many others. (I swear, my mother-in-law gets a little dizzy imagining Rochester and Jane.) But I can see how this work is so revolutionary. Not only were women not published back then, but female characters were not to have their own ideas about the world.

Other things I love about Jane- she doesn't go through the she-was-always-pretty-and-never-realized-it transformation. I love that she finds a way to flourish in any environment. I love that she is willing to do something very painful because it is right. I love that she is also willing to believe in the supernatural enough to make an ill-planned journey, to chase a dream. She's also book smart and caring and matter-of-fact. And her wit! The men in her life love the way she turns a phrase. She's the ultimate at playing hard to get.

I've read a few reviews of another book from the perspective of the first Mrs. Rochester. Probably won't pick it up any time soon, but she is the reason I started this one. The Wolf Man in Chapter 20's selection loves Jane Eyre because he sympathizes with the locked away Bertha. I'm not sure there is enough material in the original to make her sympathetic- she's basically an insane specter that sets things on fire. But you do have to at least acknowledge that she is aware of Mr. Rochester's affection for Jane and see how troubling that would be for a sane person, much less an already disturbed mind.

I would love for the red room story to be more developed, to know more about the haunting of the Reed's manor. It has the makings of a great tale. Maybe there is a short story exercise in that for me. Afterall, it is almost Halloween.

So, remembering to keep it all in context, Jane Eyre earns 3.5 Marias. I won't be buying a copy or reading it again, but I also don't feel like setting anything on fire.